Collaborative divorce often offers a cooperative, cost-saving alternative to traditional divorce. EP Wealth’s Regional Director, Kelly Owens, CFP^®, CDFA^®, explains how this approach can reduce time and expense.  

Collaborative Divorce vs. Traditional Divorce: Which is Right for You?

Traditional divorce is often adversarial in nature, with one side positioned against the other. Each spouse typically works separately with their own attorney, and communication happens through proposals passed back and forth. If a mediator or judge becomes involved, in some situations the final decision is largely out of your hands. The process can be lengthy, emotionally draining, and expensive—and there’s no assurance that either spouse will walk away satisfied.

Collaborative divorce takes a very different approach. It’s a cooperative process where all parties work together toward shared goals, meeting face to face with transparency and open communication. Attorneys and other professionals such as financial specialists and family experts collaborate to help both spouses work towards an outcome that feels equitable and sustainable.

As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst^®, I’ve worked with clients through both traditional and collaborative divorces. Based on that experience, I believe collaborative divorce can be a more constructive and cost-effective path in most cases, as long as there’s a willingness to cooperate and the situation isn’t highly contentious. When it works well, it not only saves significant time and money but also reduces emotional strain during a time in life that can already feel complicated enough.

What Is Collaborative Divorce?

In a collaborative divorce, the professionals involved are specially trained in the collaborative method. This can include not only attorneys, but financial planners, family or mental health professionals, business evaluators, accountants, and real estate or mortgage experts.

The process begins with both spouses and their attorneys signing a collaborative agreement. Together, they define shared goals: what each person wants and needs from the divorce. Meetings are conducted with everyone at the same table. Both spouses and their attorneys are present, along with financial professionals, family specialists, and other neutral experts, depending on the situation.

This isn’t a process where one side presents offers while the other waits to respond. It’s not about “winning” or “losing.” Instead, it’s an open discussion where everyone works toward resolutions that align with those common goals. Each person still has individual legal representation, but it is intended for the atmosphere to be cooperative rather than combative.

An advantage of collaborative divorce is that clients retain far greater control over the outcome than they would in traditional litigation or mediation. They work together to shape agreements instead of having terms determined by a court.

I often describe collaborative divorce as a kind of “warm and fuzzy” divorce. It can be a kinder, more humane way to go through the process of unraveling a marriage.

Collaborative Divorce vs. Traditional Divorce: Key Differences 

Who is a Good Candidate for Collaborative Divorce?

Before choosing the collaborative process, it’s important to determine whether it’s a good fit. That’s because if the process breaks down and either spouse withdraws, the divorce must start over from scratch. Each party is then required to hire a new attorney to proceed in a traditional manner, which can extend the timeline and substantially increase costs. However, in my experience, that scenario is rare. In my 15 years of working in collaborative divorce, I’ve only seen one case that needed to start over.

Collaborative divorce may work best for couples who:

• Have minor children and want to prioritize their well-being
• Are seeking a fair and equitable division of assets and parenting time
• Are comfortable with full financial transparency
• Are willing to stay cooperative and respectful, even in difficult discussions

Collaborative divorce may not be appropriate in these situations:

• When there is severe or ongoing conflict between spouses
• In cases involving abuse or deep lack of trust
• When serious mental health or substance abuse issues are present

That said, I’ve found that collaborative divorce can work in more situations than people expect. Some may assume that infidelity or emotional hurt automatically disqualifies a couple, but that isn’t always the case. *For example, I once worked with a couple where one spouse was preparing to move in with a new partner. I remember the attorneys and I all sharing a sense of surprise when it turned out to be one of the kindest and most pleasant divorces we’d ever seen.

As long as both parties can keep discussions solution-focused, collaborative divorce can work, even in complex emotional situations.

*The example presented is hypothetical and for illustrative purposes only. They do not represent actual client experiences or outcomes. Past results are not indicative of future performance. Individual circumstances will vary.

Cost Comparison: Collaborative vs. Traditional Divorce

A common misconception is that collaborative divorce is more expensive because multiple professionals are involved from the start. In practice, it often leads to savings.

Traditional divorces tend to stretch out over time because of crowded court schedules, required waiting periods for filing motions, and other procedural delays. Every billable hour of attorney time adds up. With a collaborative divorce, meetings happen on your schedule, not the court’s, and everyone works together in real time to find solutions.

Here are some of the ways collaborative divorce can reduce costs:

• Fewer billable attorney hours: Attorneys spend less time drafting motions and waiting for court dates.
• No court fees: There are no filing fees for motions or hearings, which can add up quickly in a litigated divorce.
• Shared experts: Rather than hiring separate appraisers, financial specialists, or child psychologists, the collaborative team shares neutral experts, which cuts costs significantly.
• Reduced financial analysis costs: Professional financial planners can handle budgeting projections and asset division analysis at lower rates than divorce attorneys.
• Faster resolution: By focusing discussions in joint meetings, collaborative divorces tend to conclude faster than traditional ones.

The Role of the Financial Neutral in Collaborative Divorce

The financial neutral plays a key role in a collaborative divorce, working impartially to help both spouses with asset division, budgeting, and long-term financial planning.

When I present proposed financial agreements, the fact that they come from a neutral professional gives them added credibility, which at times has helped both spouses move toward agreement more quickly. I walk them through the numbers, explain how different settlement structures might work, and help both parties see how the proposal fits into their overall financial picture.

This work can be especially important for the “non-moneyed” spouse—the one who hasn’t typically managed the household finances. I can help that person understand their assets, income sources, and ongoing expenses, and provide education around how those numbers fit into their future lifestyle. At EP Wealth, we have wonderful financial planning software that I can use to project cash flow, savings, and spending needs over time so both parties can see how the plan holds up years down the road.

That kind of visibility can help provide more clarity. One of the most common fears I hear people express during divorce is that “I’m going to run out of money.” When they can see the numbers in front of them in black and white, that often helps reduce fear. They begin to understand what’s possible and where adjustments might help them maintain financial balance moving forward.

 Key Benefits of the Collaborative Divorce Approach 

Professionals Who Believe in the Process

In my experience, the attorneys, divorce financial planners, and other professionals who practice collaborative divorce tend to be genuinely passionate about the process. They believe in the value of this approach and are committed to making it work. That enthusiasm and shared purpose often set the tone for the entire experience, creating an environment where everyone is focused on cooperation and problem-solving.

Sometimes people preparing to go through a divorce express concern that the collaborative process sounds like a “kumbaya” exercise—too idealistic or overly conciliatory. In my experience, however, that’s not the case. Once we have the first meeting, most couples discover that it’s simply a respectful, productive process. The atmosphere is professional but relaxed, with everyone sitting together and working toward practical solutions.

Collaborative divorce may not be the right path for every situation, but for many couples, it offers a more cooperative, cost-efficient, and emotionally balanced way to move forward. With a collective team of trained professionals, it can be a constructive alternative to the traditional, adversarial process.

Empower your financial future—starting today. Connect with an experienced advisor who can guide you through the financial side of divorce with clarity.

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